Why Grief and Anxiety Often Feel Worse in the New Year
It's January, and you thought you'd feel hopeful. A fresh start. New year, new you, right?
Instead, you feel worse. The grief you were managing through the holidays has intensified. Your anxiety is through the roof. You're lying awake at night with racing thoughts about everything and nothing at once.
You wonder if something's wrong with you. Why does everyone else seem energized by January while you feel like you're drowning?
I'm Lindsay Fernandez, a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in New York specializing in grief and anxiety and I want you to know that what you're experiencing is incredibly common. January is actually one of the hardest months for people dealing with grief and life transitions.
Let me explain why the new year can make grief and anxiety worse and share some things that can help.
The Emotional Whiplash of January
There's something uniquely difficult about the transition from December to January, especially when you're grieving or anxious.
The loss of structure
You’ve probably had a lot going on these last few weeks. Your days probably had some built-in structure: holiday plans, family gatherings, shopping, cooking, traveling. Even if these activities were stressful or painful, they kept you moving. They gave you something to focus on besides your grief or racing thoughts.
Then January hits. The calendar is suddenly empty. The distractions are gone. You're left alone with your thoughts and feelings, and there's nowhere to hide.
For people dealing with grief, this quiet can be deafening. The busyness of the holidays may have helped you avoid confronting your loss. Now, in the stillness of January, everything you've been pushing down comes rushing back up.
For those with anxiety, the lack of external structure means your brain creates its own chaos. Without concrete tasks to focus on, your mind spirals into "what ifs" and worst-case scenarios.
The silence after the holidays
During the holidays, people checked in on you. They asked how you were doing, sent “thinking of you” texts. They acknowledged your loss or your difficult year.
In January, that stops. People go back to their lives. They assume you're "doing better" or that enough time has passed. The texts slow down. The invitations stop coming.
But your grief is still here. Your anxiety hasn’t magically resolved itself because the calendar flipped. If anything, you now feel more isolated because everyone else has moved on while you're still struggling.
This silence can make you feel forgotten. It can make you question whether your feelings are valid. Grief and anxiety can even intensify because you're processing everything alone.
How Grief Shows Up as Anxiety
Here's something many people don't realize: grief and anxiety are deeply connected. In fact, grief often manifests as anxiety, especially in the weeks and months after a loss or major life change.
If you're experiencing heightened anxiety in January, it might actually be unprocessed grief showing up in your body and mind.
Hypervigilance
After a loss, your nervous system goes on high alert. You've experienced something that shattered your sense of safety and predictability. Your brain is now scanning constantly for the next bad thing.
This looks like:
Jumping at sudden noises
Constantly checking your phone, worried about bad news
Feeling on edge for no clear reason
Difficulty relaxing because you're waiting for something to go wrong
Obsessively checking on loved ones to make sure they're okay
Your brain is essentially saying: "Something terrible happened before. I need to be ready so it doesn't happen again." This is grief expressing itself as anxiety.
Sleep disruption
January often brings intensified sleep problems for people dealing with grief. You might experience:
Difficulty falling asleep because your mind won't stop racing
Waking up at 3am with overwhelming sadness or panic
Nightmares or dreams about your person or your loss
Waking up exhausted no matter how much you sleep
Sleep disruption happens because grief and anxiety activate your stress response system. At night, when there are no distractions, your body finally processes what you've been holding all day. This can manifest as insomnia, restless sleep, or intense dreams.
Existential worry
The new year has a way of forcing us to confront big questions. Who am I now? What's the point? What am I doing with my life?
When you're grieving, these questions become even heavier. Your loss has fundamentally changed how you see the world. The assumptions you made about your life, your future, your identity - they may no longer feel true.
This existential anxiety looks like:
Questioning the meaning or purpose of your life
Feeling disconnected from your goals or values
Wondering "what's the point of any of this?"
Feeling like you're just going through the motions
Struggling to see a future that feels worth building
This isn't clinical depression (though it can coexist with depression). This is your mind trying to make sense of a world that no longer makes sense after loss.
Life Transitions That Intensify Grief in the New Year
January isn't just hard because of the holiday hangover. It's hard because the new year forces us to confront what's changed.
When "this year looks different"
Maybe this is your first January without someone you love. Or your first January after a divorce, a job loss, a move, or another major life change.
The new year amplifies the reality of what's different now. You're not just missing your person or your old life in abstract terms - you're facing concrete reminders:
Filing taxes as "single" for the first time
Not having your person's birthday on the calendar this year
Starting a new year in a new city where you don't know anyone
Realizing your family traditions won't happen the same way anymore
Facing the reality that this entire year will be lived without them
These aren't small things. These are identity-shifting realizations that bring fresh waves of grief.
Divorce, moves, and role changes
Even positive changes or long-expected transitions can trigger grief in January. If you:
Finalized a divorce recently
Moved to a new city or state
Became an empty nester
Retired or changed careers
Lost your role as a caregiver after a loved one passed
You're not just dealing with change. You're dealing with identity loss. "Who am I now?" becomes the central question, and January - with its emphasis on resolutions and fresh starts - can make this question feel urgent and overwhelming.
You might feel pressure to have it all figured out. To know what you want. To be excited about your new chapter. But instead, you're grieving the chapter that ended, even if it needed to end.
When Grief Becomes Hard to Carry Alone
Some grief can be processed with time, support from friends and family, and self-compassion. But sometimes grief becomes too heavy to carry alone.
You might need professional support if:
Your grief is interfering with daily functioning You can't work, take care of your kids, or complete basic tasks. You're calling out sick frequently. You're neglecting responsibilities because you can't find the energy or focus.
You're having intrusive thoughts about death or self-harm If you're thinking about dying, wishing you could be with your person, or having thoughts about harming yourself, please reach out for help immediately. These thoughts don't mean you're broken - they mean you need support right now.
Your anxiety feels unmanageable You're having panic attacks. You can't sleep. You can't eat. Your body is in constant fight-or-flight mode and you don't know how to calm down.
You're isolating completely You've withdrawn from everyone. You're avoiding friends, family, and activities. You feel like no one understands and you'd rather be alone.
You're using substances to cope You're drinking more than usual to numb the pain. You're relying on medication (prescribed or otherwise) to get through the day. You need something external to make your feelings manageable.
It's been months and nothing is getting better Time is supposed to heal, but you feel stuck. You're not seeing any improvement. If anything, you feel worse. You're starting to wonder if you'll ever feel okay again.
Your relationships are suffering You're snapping at people you love. You can't be present with your partner or kids. People are telling you they're worried about you. You feel disconnected from everyone.
If any of these resonate, please hear this: you're not weak for needing help. Grief counseling isn't about "giving up" or admitting you can't handle it. It's about getting support during one of the hardest human experiences.
How Grief Counseling Helps You Move Forward Without "Moving On"
A lot of people avoid grief therapy because they're afraid it means forgetting their person or "getting over" their loss. Let me be clear: that's not what grief counseling does.
What therapy actually does
Creates space for all your feelings In therapy, you don't have to worry about being "too much" or making others uncomfortable. You can talk about your person as much as you need. You can cry, rage, laugh, or sit in silence. All of it is welcome.
Helps you process, not push through Grief that's avoided or suppressed doesn't go away - it goes underground and shows up as anxiety, physical symptoms, or relationship problems. Therapy helps you actually process your grief so it doesn't control your life.
Teaches you to carry grief differently You don't "get over" significant loss. You learn to carry it in a way that doesn't break you. Therapy helps you find ways to honor your loss while still building a life that feels meaningful.
Addresses the anxiety that comes with grief We work on calming your nervous system, managing intrusive thoughts, and reducing hypervigilance. You learn that feeling anxious doesn't mean something bad is about to happen - it means your body is processing trauma.
Helps you rebuild your identity After loss or major life change, you have to figure out who you are now. Therapy helps you explore this question without pressure to have all the answers immediately.
Provides tools for hard moments January might be especially hard, but there will be other difficult times: birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, random Tuesdays when grief hits out of nowhere. Therapy gives you concrete tools for navigating these moments.
My approach to grief and anxiety
I use several therapeutic approaches depending on what you need:
Narrative therapy helps you tell and reshape your story. After loss, the narrative of your life has changed. We work on integrating this change without losing the thread of who you are.
Emotional focused therapy helps you process the intense feelings that come with grief and anxiety. We don't just talk about your feelings - we work through them in real time.
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) helps with the anxiety that often accompanies grief. We work on the thought patterns that keep you stuck in worry and fear.
Mindfulness-based stress reduction teaches you to be present with grief without being consumed by it. You learn to observe your thoughts and feelings without letting them control you.
But beyond these approaches, what matters most is this: I'm real. I'm not going to give you clinical platitudes or toxic positivity. I've been in the thick of grief myself - I lost my mom and was her caregiver during her mental health struggles. I know what it's like to keep your life together while falling apart inside.
You Don't Have to Start the Year Feeling This Way
If you're reading this in January feeling overwhelmed by grief and anxiety, I want you to know: you don't have to white-knuckle your way through the rest of the year.
Support is available. And getting help now - rather than waiting to see if you can "handle it" on your own - can change the trajectory of your entire year.
At Evolving Through Grief Counseling Services, I provide online therapy throughout New York State for people navigating grief, anxiety, life transitions, postpartum challenges, and caregiver stress.
If you're ready to talk, visit etgcs.com to schedule a free consultation. We'll discuss what you're experiencing and how therapy can help you move forward without leaving your grief behind.
You deserve support. Your grief deserves attention. And feeling this way in January doesn't mean you'll feel this way forever.
Lindsay Fernandez, LMHC, is a licensed mental health counselor specializing in grief counseling and therapy for anxiety, postpartum mental health, life transitions, as well as therapy for caregiver support. She provides compassionate, authentic support to people navigating loss and major life changes. She offers online therapy throughout New York State through Evolving Through Grief Counseling Services.
